I Stand All Amazed

Yesterday I had opportunities to offer pastoral counseling to two inmates.  The Spirit was there, and I was able to do it without going outside my scope of work.  These moments pop up frequently.

I realize - know (as in a recent ah-ha moment for me) that I am a pastor of the Lord (with a little p) and the prison I work in is part of my parish.  So grateful.

This song below, I Stand All Amazed...

I sang it as a kid in the LDS church and it meant a lot to me back then.  When I recently researched it, I found the author was a Presbyterian man who later converted to Methodism.  By the end of his life Charles Gabriel wrote thousands of hymns and published numerous hymnals for mostly protestant denominations. Hope you enjoy it.  If you want to hear it live click here for The Lower Lights version on YouTube - one of my favorite bands.

I Stand All Amazed

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

(Chorus)

Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.

Text and music: Charles H. Gabriel, 1856-1932
Aka. Charlotte G. Homer, H. A. Henry, and S. B. Jackson
Song (1898/1905)

Florida Department of Corrections: Inspiring success by transforming one life at a time. - and yes, I do buy into this.  I experience it daily.

Call to Action (a note on depression)

Psalm 91: 1-2 (NIV)

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

An interpretation of this verse:

Call to Action.
I feel so ashamed of the man I've become,
It's time to start living in the light of the Son!
His fortress!  It shadows all those who come home,
So all who are in Him, that they may be one.

A light in the darkness to those who come near,
Bringing them out from the darkness and depths of despair.

I hope readers don't come away with the feeling that I'm going to do something to harm myself.
I'm okay - really.  If you read this poem again, and the rest of my work (I hope) you'll find peace and redemption at the end of the initial stress lines of the verse.

God is my fortress and without the love of His Spirit embracing me, I may have not come out of those dark places I've experienced.  Sometimes depression can rear its ugly head.

The shame I mention above has to do with second-thought thinking of decisions I made earlier in life that were sometimes unhealthy or selfish, such as:   What if I had been a better example to my children?  What if I would have gotten a Master's degree at age 28 instead of trying in my 50's? What if I would have spent more time with my parents before they died?  What if I would have answered the call to ministry earlier in life?  What if? What if?

These thoughts come to me sometimes late at night and I give them to the Lord right then.  In this poem, line one came as I was dozing off so I wrote it down and went to sleep.  The hope came the next morning during my dawn devotional reading of Psalm 91.  This whole experience was kind of like a dance between me and God.  I reached out, He reached back.

Depression is a major world illness, but does not have to be left silent and secret.  If you suffer from it, seek help and come home to to your Father who will give you peace. Close friends can help too.

gk, Feb. 22, 2016

Tithing When You Have No Money - A Prison Inmate's Perspective

I've always felt prison inmates should have an opportunity to pay a tithe like other Christians. In some state correctional departments it's legal and offered to the incarcerated.  In Christianity it is a religious right (and rite) and sacrament whom some people hold sacred and a privilege.

In prison all inmates have the opportunity to attend chapel meetings of their religious choice.  They can receive kosher meals if required and afternoon prayer time if that is their tradition.  So what about giving back financially, tithing?  Here is what one of my inmates wrote.  He is serving 4 plus years for fraud related crimes.

I solicited this story from him in an effort to challenge him to stay academically motivated and to express his thoughts on paper for therapeutic and historical purposes. He gave me permission to publish it, using his own words.*

Tithe

10%

In Malachi 3:10 we are told by God to bring our tithes into the store house. He also tells us to test Him with tithing. Poppa God tells us that if we do so He will open the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing that there will not be enough room to receive it. In verse 11 Poppa God goes on to say that He will rebuke the devourer for our sake and that the devourer (the devil) shall not destroy the fruits of our ground and neither shall our vines fail to bear fruit for us in the field. Also in verse 12 He tells us that we shall be called blessed by all nations and that we shall be a delightsome land.

Before we go any further let me make mention of what a tithe is. A tithe is 10% of one’s income. Also known as 10% of one’s increase. It’s giving to God 10% of what we make off the top. When we tithe we allow God to manifest Malachi 3:7-12 in our lives.

One day when I was spending time with the Lord He revealed to me a great revelation about tithing. He shared this revelation with me because I told Him that I did not have any money to tithe with. He told me to tithe 10% of my time. I was like huh? Do what?

The Holy Spirit reminded me that there are 24 hours in one day and 60 minutes in one hour. He helped me understand that 24 hours x’s 60 minutes = 1,440 minutes. He helped me see that 10% of 1,440 minutes = 144 minutes. He also broke down to me the fact that 144 minutes is also considered 2 hours and 24 minutes. Then there was the climax!

I realized that 2 hours and 24 minutes is 10% of one day. God was telling me to tithe 10% of my day to Him. I was amazed at this. Some people may say this is petty. To me it is profound.

I say this because Poppa God says to test Him with tithing. But what kind of blessing could be so BIG, so abundant to the point that there will not be enough room to receive it. I mean after all, I’m tithing time not finances so what’s to expect? What kind of blessing could I possibly be blessed with by tithing 10% of my time? This is what He shared with me.

He let me know that he would bless my spirit, soul and body. The Holy Spirit reminded me of how my soul is divided into three distinct elements. He reminded me of how my soul is also known as my mind, my emotions and my will. He even reminded me of how I can refer to my soul as my thoughts, feelings and actions. My actions are an outward manifestation of what I may think or speak.

The Holy Spirit let me know that if I tithe 10% of my time to God each day, that I would receive a blessing that consists of spiritual healing. He informed me that my soul would be healed. Even my body. He revealed to me that all the barriers, all the obstacles and all the walls in my life that are keeping me from responding with compassion out of love towards others, especially those who are bitter towards me would be torn down, destroyed and removed completely. He let me know that He would help me be more like Jesus.

The revelation I received also included restoration for my family. It was laid on my heart to know and understand that Poppa God would rebuke the devourer for our sakes. It was made clear to me that the devourer (the devil) would not destroy the fruits of our ground. God was talking to me and telling me that He would protect us. He let me know that we would not fail to produce fruit and that all nations would call us blessed and that we should be a delightsome land.

This revelation of blessing came to me because I inquired of The Lord about tithing. I brought to His attention that I was not able to tithe financially, so He told me to tithe 10% of my time. If you are like me, and are not able to tithe financially, consider tithing 10% of your time to God. You can do this by studying His Word, fasting and praying, and by service to others. Test Him in this area of your life and you will see that He will open the windows of heaven and pour out blessings upon you.

Malachi 3:7-12
Test Him!

By: An inmate
February 4, 2016

* Disclaimer - this article was not vetted by, approved or endorsed by the Florida Department of Corrections.  The inmate's name who wrote this is held confidential.  There is not, nor will there be any financial gain or benefit from it's publication on this site by myself or the inmate.  This is strictly for educational, religious and spiritual purposes.

But, For The Grace of God Go I

The poem I created this morning while waking up...  "But by the grace of God go we.  May light to others may we be. - gus

About twelve years ago (2004) Sandy and I saw Flogging Molly at the Warped Tour and again at the House of Blues in Orlando, and little did I know how their music would have such an impact on me.

Over the last week I've had this song in my head running over and over, all day - all night.  In a way it drives me nuts, but in another way I find it so comforting.  Please read to the end, after the song for its full significance for me.

Grace of God Go I
By Flogging Molly, Swagger, 2000

Lookin down through a tide of no return
Is a field where the crops no longer grow
Parched is the land, strangled an be damned
There for the grace of God go I

Down beside where the riverbed sleeps
Is a man not knowin what he should feel
Mocked by the wave that beats the waters edge
There for the grace of God
There for the grace of God
There for the grace of God go I

If I ever hurt another like Thee again
I would drown myself beneath Your name
Lost was the child, we all once did hide
There for the grace of God
There for the grace of God
There for the grace of God go I

Songwriters: Bridget Regan, David King, Dennis Casey, Robert Anthony Schmidt, Matthew Hensley, Nathen Jeglinski, George Edward Schwindt
Published by: 26f Gellert Hill Music; Twentysixf Music

The original line and (near) title is attributed to John Bradford (1510-1555), an English Protestant theologian and reformer who was burned at the stake for speaking against the Church of England. In the phrase “But for the grace of God Go I.” he is referring to prisoners being executed for the same evil deeds he had committed himself, but not punished for.

Today I shared the lyrics with one of my prison inmate students who has a severe anger management problem, which has at times landed him in solitary confinement.  In my class alone, he's come close to being escorted out in hand-cuffs for his tendency to go to fight at a minor offense of one of his peers.

After an hour or so of pondering the words to this song he came and shared with me some of his childhood issues and how he needs to work on areas of depression, anxiety and anger management. He's going to write a paper on the song for me (G.E.D. preparation) and how the imagery aligns with his life experience.

Not A Saint

If Christians are considered “saints”, then why don’t I feel it?
A Saint I ain’t?
Just a sinner, a man, nothing more.
Trying to hold on to the belief that Christ bore all for me.

Unworthy.

When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company

I will feel no fear
I know that You are near
I'll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near

My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders. (Shoulders, by King & Country)

Bless those who've caught the vision,
Realized the blessing, found their mission.
As for me, still searching.
Some days better than others. But I’ll continue.
Finding, lending strength with my brothers.

24 hrs later - I realize this story is kind of dark.  Forgive me please, I am what I am; but I also know we're all SO blessed.  We deal with our past, but there is a bright side.  Know there is.  Hang in there if you've felt similar.  Find a good friend to talk to. Say a little prayer.

- gus

Photo Credit: Saint Andrew the Apostle by Yoan from Gabrovo, 19th century.

How Bright Is Your Fire?

I am so excited that tonight is the first night of the season for our monthly Men's Group Campfire Meeting!

It is almost fall in Florida.  The days are under 90 and nights in the 60's - one of the cheapest months for utility billing and I like that!  But most importantly, our Men's Campfire group is starting again where we get together for an hour or so, and talk about our life as workers, husbands, dads, and men of the community.  Once a month, and that's it.  Below is the message I prepared, a great story by Zoe Weil.

This is one of my Top 100 Blog Stories that made a difference in my life.  As I read it over and over, I ask myself, How bright is that ember burning in my soul for my calling, my family, my children and all that I hold dear?  Do I need to stoke the fire, or is everything okay?  It is an accountability moment for me.  Here is the story...

Be the Campfire, Not the Forest Fire (click link for the whole story)
by Zoe Weil, November 17, 2010

The content that follows was originally published on the Institute for Humane Education website at
The Institute for Humane Education Blog.

There's a metaphor I like to use when talking to fellow activists. I ask them to imagine two fires. The first is a campfire in an opening in the woods. The fire is warm and bright and draws people toward it. They are eager to find a place around the fire, and their beautiful faces glow in the reflected light. They feel good. There is nowhere they'd rather be. The second is a forest fire. It blazes hot and out of control, everyone - people and animals alike - flee.

Each of us has a fire inside of us. It is the fire of our passions and our beliefs, and all of us who are activists know it well. It is the fire that spurs us to learn about what is happening on our planet - to people, animals, and the environment - and it is the fire that spurs us to action to solve the crises we face and challenge the atrocities that still pervade our world. It is often a blazing hot fire. And sometimes, when we have burned out, it is a barely glowing ember. (There is a reason for the term "burned out" after all.)

As change agents, we have a choice about what sort of fire we will be. Will we be the warm campfire that draws people towards us so that we can share what we know and inspire others to make a difference, or will we be the forest fire that rages too hot, causing people to run from us? This is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves because the fire we cultivate makes an enormous difference in our effectiveness as change makers.

But as we know, fire is not static, so whatever fire you have been or are today is subject to change. Fires die out if we don't add fuel, and the sparks that fly off of them can ignite infernos if we add too much fuel too quickly. As change agents, we must seek that perfect balance, adding enough fuel in the form of knowledge and resources to burn just hot enough to ignite change without igniting a conflagration. We will know if our fire needs more fuel if we are not doing the work that must be done and aren't inspiring others to join us, and we will know if we need to let up on the fuel if people avoid us. If we've been activists for a long time, we may have noticed that our fiery youth has diminished too much. If we are new to change-making, we may need to take great care in cultivating our fire so it doesn't burn too hot.

Tend your fire carefully. The world needs you to burn just right.

Zoe Weil, author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind